I can’t believe I’m turning thirty-two in fourteen days. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, today I am making history by revealing my real age in a public spot on the Internet. In fourteen days, I will be freaking 32. But no, I’m not in any way complaining about it. Rather, I’m thankful I have reached that age (or about to). Not everyone had the chance to get to 32 or let alone live a single day. So I’m rather thankful that I’m still breathing, though struggling with a couple of problems that regularly come my way. Well, that’s life. If you don’t like to get problems, then die.
I just can’t believe I’m actually turning 32 in a few days. I was just playing a Barbie doll at the corner of our house, then the next thing I knew I am about to be 32. How time flies. But you know what? I am in my 30’s but I still act and think like I’m 20. Yes. It sucks, isn’t it? How your age climbs up yet your maturity level is still stuck somewhere below your age.
I don’t act my age. I don’t feel my age. I don’t dress my age. I don’t speak my age. In short, in my heart and soul, I am not in 30’s. I am still in 20’s. No, I am not developing some specific personality disorder here. It’s what I feel. My body might have aged but not my spirit.
There are times when I wonder if the information in my birth certificate were authentic. Was I really born in 1981? Or could there have been some mix-up like the typist was drunk when she was encoding the details in my birth certificate? Did my mom had amnesia due to anesthesia overdose and thought she had released me from her womb in 1981 when all along she actually gave birth to me in 1991? Or I might be a 20-year old gal trapped in a body of a 30-something woman due to some paranormal forces just like in the movies.
But in the end, I realized that I’ve only been watching a lot of crappy movies. There must be some concrete and “realistic” reasons why I feel so young despite my age.
Someone has given me the idea of why I don’t mature simultaneously with my age. She said, maybe because at my age, normally a woman has a husband and a child (or children) but I have none. People mature because of life experiences. And that enlightened me.
Life experiences. I am not the type with a lot of intense, colorful, mind-blowing experiences in life. As an introverted, socially awkward girl, I wasn’t exposed to a lot of things in life. Most of the time, I refused to. As a child, a teen, and a pre-adult, all I wanted were to hide inside my shell and do the things that make me happy. I was contented in my little world. My little world where I was always safe and away from the hustle and bustle of this world. So, I couldn’t tell really if I have enough life experiences that could mold me to be a mature woman that I am supposed to be right now. Maybe that was it. Maybe I lacked enough life experiences that make a person grow maturely.
She also pointed out that maybe I happen to stunt my own maturity growth. She said perhaps I don’t want to get old and I am involuntarily trying to escape the truth that I am aging so I don’t let go of the childish things that I am accustomed to doing. And when she said that I realized that I must stop eating MILO (spooning from the plastic container which is quite unsanitary). That’s a shame! 32-year old women do not do that, do they? And must also stop hugging my teddy bears and kissing them.
But I like doing them, so why will I have to stop doing things that make me happy? Where is free will there? WHERE?!!
So, my conclusion is this: maybe there was no drunk typist who had sabotaged my birth certificate. Even if I look younger than my age (hehe), there’s no way I am not 32. I might be responsible for my own immaturity. Or maybe it is part of my personality. Or maybe I need a therapist. LOL. Whatever!
Honestly, I don’t really care if I am immature. There were just those moments that I’d wished I was mature enough to look formidable and respectable. But I prefer being young at heart. And even if I turn 62 and still act younger than my age, that’s all right. I think it would be cool to be forever young at heart.